Birdemic: Shock and Terror (Really Bad Movie)

         Get rid of your non-hybrid vehicles and buy a hybrid Mustang (which totally exists and gets 100 mpg). Invest in $20,000 solar panels. Live in a tree house. Take any steps you can to stop contributing to global warning. These are the lessons that this eye-opening ecological documentary taught me. From the start, I knew that this film was going to be frightening with its five straight minutes of a horrible 30-second looping song. It was in fact scary, because it showed what is going to happen if gas-guzzling, fossil fuel-drinking lunatics keep up in their ways. If this keeps up, global warming will take over causing polar bears to have to leave their ice bergs, heat waves in the winter, and killer birds to descend from the sky to kill all humans. This movie is a must-see for anyone who cares about the planet and their well-being!
         In all seriousness, this was the worst movie I have ever seen. At times it was painful to watch. It was funny when it was not supposed to be. It was cringe-worthy with its human-to-human interaction and horrible visual effects. I could honestly expect the average sixth grader to make something of greater quality on their iPhone. Per usual, I will start with the plot. To be completely honest, the plot was probably the best part of the film. If nothing else, it kept me interested in wondering what would happen to the characters. Of course, the plot was ridiculous. It made no sense, and the movie's only scene which tried to explain the science behind the bird flu making only eagles and vultures (which are not birds that live in California) attack humans, turned into a sermon on being eco-friendly, which had already been iterated. Next come the characters. They were flatter than a piece of paper. I cared for none of the characters in this movie, aside from maybe Rod at points. Ramsey, Becky, and Nathalie were all forgettable. I found myself wanting Tony and Susan to die more than wanting their deliverance, especially when they refused to eat the little food they had because it wasn't a Happy Meal. I initially liked Rod and Nathalie and was rooting for them, but once disaster struck, she really made me angry for some reason. I found my favorite characters at the end, however, to be the Tree Hugger, the Solar Panel Salesman, and Rick. The acting was horrific. I felt like kids reading from a script in a middle-school musical audition have more emotion than these actors. They showed no emotion when they needed a lot, and overdramatized stupid things. Perhaps the worst aspect of this film was its audio/visual attempts (they do not deserve to be called "effects"). The birds were hard to watch. They were so obviously computer simulated fake birds. Their pixels could be easily seen, and they had horribly unrealistic flight patterns (seriously like the physics of their flight at times was outrageous. The noises went on constantly from a looping track that drove me insane. The fire in this movie looked copied and pasted, and even disappeared during the forest fire scene for a short period. If nothing else, the camera angles were okay. The sound in this film was horrific. When cutting from shot to shot, actors made a clear pause waiting for the next scene to start, causing an unnatural flow. The sound seemed far away at times, was covered when it shouldn't have been, and at times there were sequences with no audio at all. Character's lips would move, but no sound could be heard. To think that this film took four (!!!!!) years to create makes me sick. It was funny to watch however, and it is a must see. It is dubbed the best-worst movie of all time for good reason. I give it a 1/10, but A BILLION DOLLARS/1 BILLION for comedy.
          I am sitting here trying to think of all the funny quotes and scenes from this movie, even if they weren't meant to be this way, but it is impossible. There are too many.